Lockdown my spine
My model is a random human being.
My setting is a random piece of land.
My poetry is a random set of words.
In arts, it’s the meaning that is important and not the means.
Art, to me, is the means to communicate an idea, a feeling or a message, itself.
Hereby, I communicate to you how it feels to be stuck in an angle, on a planet that doesn’t seem to be yours, with little hope and with a lockdown down your spine.
Een gesprek:
Fabian: I’m curious about what your biggest challenges were in this pandemic?
Merych: Well I think my biggest challenge during the lockdown was the unknown, the not knowing. On the individual level, I lost my work. Maybe halfway the pandemic, my boss realized that the business is not going to open until the end of 2020. Or even if it does open, he doesn’t need me. So that’s when I realized that I didn’t really know what’s gonna happen. I didn’t know when the pandemic was going to be over. I didn’t know when the businesses are going to start again. On a more social level, it was still the unknown. Because I’m in a long distance relationship and it basically works with hope. Because every time you’re away you have the hope of meeting soon, maybe in the next vacation or the next time you can travel. But when there is a global lockdown, you really don’t know when the borders are gonna open, when the situation is going to be stable. So there is no hope because you don’t know what’s going on. So I guess my biggest challenge was not knowing.
Fabian: And how did you deal with that not knowing?
Merych: On the relationship part I really went for trust. Because we really just had to trust our instincts. Everything is going to be all right. Just trust each other. Trust that fighting for the relationship we are staying in is worth it, even during a pandemic which has no end. That adds a lot of pressure to daily life. Because apart from not knowing what is going on in the world, there is also certain emotional dynamics working inside of you as a person and in the relationship with somebody else. So it really makes it super hard. But I really tried to keep calm and just hope that things will figure themselves out somehow. And to be honest I did a lot of meditation and yoga. I was also in good hands. I have a loving boyfriend. I guess that helped as well. And I really like him, so the intention was to carry on. And on an individual level for work, this catastrophic situation gave me a chance to really rewrite everything career wise. I realized that what makes me happy is not working in a physical place. I would much rather have a virtual work, actually work online, work from home and work remotely. So somehow, I finally figured out what I want from life and career. I really took that as a source of power and accepted the fact that my life is gonna be unstable for a while. Until I actually achieve my dream in this sense. So I guess more than anything, it was the acceptance of the situation that helped, and a lot of meditation.
Fabian: Did you do any art practices in this period, or how was that for you?
Merych: Yes actually, I did. That’s actually why I realized I don’t want to have a fixed job occupying all my time during the week. Because I realized that my prophecy in life is creating and writing. So that’s why I’m actually aiming for such a job. During this quarantine, I really started to go through some long standby projects from the past, but I didn’t feel like finishing them because I was maybe too much inside of my mind. But what happened was that I was clearly super sensitive. I was really connected to my emotions, so I created the framework for another book. I still may have need a couple of more months of quarantine to start doing that. But now that I have that framework, I’m going to do it later on. And also I made one of my emotional breakdowns into a theater piece kind of. I’m now writing it and I think it’s going to be finished at the end of the summer.
Fabian: And how do you see your life after this pandemic?
Merych: Well I really think that everything is going to change, also in my life. Which I’m actually excited for. I really think that this pandemic has helped me come out of my comfort zone. Therefore, out of my comfort zone, I can try to make new goals and work towards them. At the end, I think I’m actually grateful for this pandemic. It’s really unstable now but I think everything is going to take shape soon.
Transcript van de video:
.LOCKDOWN.
.Love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.long distance relationship.
.LOCKDOWN.
.feelings.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.feelings.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fantasy.
.LOCKDOWN.
.dreamer.
.LOCKDOWN.
.polyamory.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fear.
.LOCKDOWN.
.butterflies in my belly.
.LOCKDOWN.
.don’t you forget me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.please.
.LOCKDOWN.
.can’t remember your smile.
.LOCKDOWN.
.can’t forget your smile.
.LOCKDOWN.
.come.
.LOCKDOWN.
.please.
.LOCKDOWN.
.save me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.save us.
.LOCKDOWN.
.distance.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Covid-19.
.LOCKDOWN.
.distance.
.LOCKDOWN.
Covid-19.
.LOCKDOWN.
.life.
.LOCKDOWN.
.risks.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.polyamorous relationship.
.LOCKDOWN.
.true love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love is real.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i miss you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i dream of you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s hard.
.LOCKDOWN.
.so hard.
.LOCKDOWN.
.oh yeah.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s big.
.LOCKDOWN.
.so big.
.LOCKDOWN.
.yes, please.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck me babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you like it babe?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you like my dick.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i love it babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i love you babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.long distance.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.body.
.LOCKDOWN.
.soul.
.LOCKDOWN.
.holograms.
.LOCKDOWN.
.thoughts.
.LOCKDOWN.
.your hand.
.LOCKDOWN.
.caress me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.spank me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.your upper lip.
.LOCKDOWN.
.smile for me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.suck my dick.
.LOCKDOWN.
.your feet.
.LOCKDOWN.
.run to me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.your feet are beautiful babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fetish is real.
.LOCKDOWN.
.BDSM.
.LOCKDOWN.
.leather.
.LOCKDOWN.
.harness.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i fuck you in my mind.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i love you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i want you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i desire you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i fancy you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i miss you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.pancakes and omelet.
.LOCKDOWN.
.bb.
.LOCKDOWN.
.beers for breakfast.
.LOCKDOWN.
.late night talks.
.LOCKDOWN.
.cuddle me all night.
.LOCKDOWN.
.I miss your body.
.LOCKDOWN.
.don’t cry baby.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i love you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i live you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.we’ll meet soon.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.long distance relationships.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i’m yours.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you’re mine.
.LOCKDOWN.
.but people don’t belong to people.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fly away.
.LOCKDOWN.
.but fly back to me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.please.
.LOCKDOWN.
.will you?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s hard.
.LOCKDOWN.
.very hard.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.the other guy.
.LOCKDOWN.
.he is cute.
.LOCKDOWN.
.even sexy.
.LOCKDOWN.
.yes.
.LOCKDOWN.
.right there.
.LOCKDOWN.
.choke me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you like it bitch?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you like it you little bitch?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.yes sir.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck me sir.
.LOCKDOWN.
.yeaaah.
.LOCKDOWN.
.give it to me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.don’t stop.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.affection.
.LOCKDOWN.
.touch.
.LOCKDOWN.
.stranger.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i’m excited.
.LOCKDOWN.
.but I’ll be sad later.
.LOCKDOWN.
.post coitum omne animal triste est.
.LOCKDOWN.
.He is my type.
.LOCKDOWN.
.one of many.
.LOCKDOWN.
.no special strings attached.
.LOCKDOWN.
.nothing irreplaceable.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i need him.
.LOCKDOWN.
.sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.pleasure.
.LOCKDOWN.
.excitement.
.LOCKDOWN.
.not joy.
.LOCKDOWN.
.he smells like a woman.
.LOCKDOWN.
.city life.
.LOCKDOWN.
.grindr.
.LOCKDOWN.
.forever.
.LOCKDOWN.
.regulars.
.LOCKDOWN.
.human relationships.
.LOCKDOWN.
.drugs.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck.
.LOCKDOWN.
.see you next time.
.LOCKDOWN.
.nameless faces.
.LOCKDOWN.
.human business.
.LOCKDOWN.
.true to reality.
.LOCKDOWN.
.bodily business.
.LOCKDOWN.
.soul business.
.LOCKDOWN.
.crowd of lonely people.
.LOCKDOWN.
.complications.
.LOCKDOWN.
.relationships.
.LOCKDOWN.
.he doesn’t want to stay over.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i don’t want him to stay over.
.LOCKDOWN.
.win win.
.LOCKDOWN.
.end of the story.
.LOCKDOWN.
.but will you come home soon?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i’m alone.
.LOCKDOWN.
.home alone.
.LOCKDOWN.
.grindr.
.LOCKDOWN.
.second round.
.LOCKDOWN.
.no talk.
.LOCKDOWN.
.just sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.animal sex.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i miss you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.not every time.
.LOCKDOWN.
.most of the times.
.LOCKDOWN.
.when will we meet?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.long distance relationships.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Covid-19.
.LOCKDOWN.
.the bigger the lie.
.LOCKDOWN.
.the more people believe it.
.LOCKDOWN.
.borders.
.LOCKDOWN.
.lock down.
.LOCKDOWN.
.social level.
.LOCKDOWN.
.personal level.
.LOCKDOWN.
.graded societies.
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.immigrants.
.LOCKDOWN.
.second grade citizens.
.LOCKDOWN.
.third grade citizens.
.LOCKDOWN.
.forth grade citizens.
.LOCKDOWN.
.citizen of the world.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck borders.
.LOCKDOWN.
.choking.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i want to cry.
.LOCKDOWN.
.don’t cry babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.heavy on my heart.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck Covid.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Covid-19 owes me my relationship.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Covid-19 owes me my youth.
.LOCKDOWN.
.conspiracy.
.LOCKDOWN.
.conspiracy theory.
.LOCKDOWN.
.all the lives you took.
.LOCKDOWN.
.all the relationships you jeopardized.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Covid-19 owes us 2020.
.LOCKDOWN.
.man-made virus.
.LOCKDOWN.
.fuck who is behind this.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i’m sad.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s sad.
.LOCKDOWN.
.so sad.
.LOCKDOWN.
.pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.history happening.
.LOCKDOWN.
.future social studies.
.LOCKDOWN.
.future activism.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s time to understand.
.LOCKDOWN.
.new world order.
.LOCKDOWN.
.frontiers.
.LOCKDOWN.
.borders.
.LOCKDOWN.
.passport.
.LOCKDOWN.
.freedom of movement.
.LOCKDOWN.
.clouds don’t have passports.
.LOCKDOWN.
.whales don’t have passports.
.LOCKDOWN.
.PANDEMICS don’t have passports.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i have a passport.
.LOCKDOWN.
.it’s unnatural.
.LOCKDOWN.
.hope.
.LOCKDOWN.
.better world.
.LOCKDOWN.
.equality.
.LOCKDOWN.
.egalitarianism.
.LOCKDOWN.
.spread the wealth.
.LOCKDOWN.
.not the virus.
.LOCKDOWN.
.one race.
.LOCKDOWN.
.human race.
.LOCKDOWN.
.human rights.
.LOCKDOWN.
.do you hear me?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.life is funny.
.LOCKDOWN.
.costs.
.LOCKDOWN.
.196 AD Antonine plague.
.LOCKDOWN.
.5 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Plague of Justinian.
.LOCKDOWN.
.25 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.The black death.
.LOCKDOWN.
.75-200 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Third Cholera pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.1 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Flu pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.1 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Sixth Cholera pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.800,000+ lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Flu pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.20-50 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Asian flu.
.LOCKDOWN.
.2 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.Flu pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.1 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.HIV/AIDS pandemic.
.LOCKDOWN.
.36 million lives.
.LOCKDOWN.
.COVID-19.
.LOCKDOWN.
.costs.
.LOCKDOWN.
.INTERNATIONAL TRUST IN INSTITUTIONS.
.LOCKDOWN.
.2020.
.LOCKDOWN.
.what’s next?.
.LOCKDOWN.
.UFO.
.LOCKDOWN.
.you better run.
.LOCKDOWN.
.i miss you.
.LOCKDOWN.
.stay with me.
.LOCKDOWN.
.we are strong babe.
.LOCKDOWN.
.been through a pandemic together.
.LOCKDOWN.
.stronger than ever.
.LOCKDOWN.
.love wins.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again,
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
.LOCKDOWN.
.and.
.LOCKDOWN.
.again.
